•She needs to speak up•She literally replies with one word only•She is not opening her mouth at all•She only shakes her head•Is she a robot•How are you going to retaliate when you are in danger,how are you going to scream for HELP?•You are living a boring life•
These was some of the questions that people have thrown at me and my parents.
I was the girl who had so many things running in my mind but got overlooked , been pushed away without really asking the important question, “what is actually going on in your mind, what are you really thinking about ?“
Growing up, I actually thought there is something wrong with myself and was someone who could not be considered as “normal human” because everyone around me kept pushing me to the edge of being someone that I don’t want to be. It was super tiring that I eventually gave up to change myself and settled comfortably to who I am even though people wanted me to change .
I have created a wall around me so that I could just be myself without having anyone complaining and asking me to be comfortable by being their version of myself.
Instead of opting to make friends I chose to spend more time with my own self. I read a lot of books, still do. I wrote stuffs and found out about blogging in my early 20’s. I had so many amazing conversation with my self in my head. I made negotiation on certain things between my mind and heart. I didn’t really ask anyone’s opinion because it has always been the opposite of what I think, even though I did tried to share my thoughts, it has always been ignored or taken lightly or made it into a joke.
It has never been taken seriously or even as an option.So, only my opinions and choices matter to me.
Hence, I created my own little world and lived in there for thirty-three years. Literally, I were living in two worlds; one with real people that expects me to be how they wanted me to be and another in an imaginary world with imaginary people who treats me with the way I liked to be treated.
Well, now I knew that both the world I created was just in my mind with my own perception.
As a child, I thought that I was good for nothing because everyone, especially my mom and also my teacher’s constantly pushing me to be more open and socialize. There were many time my mom wanted me to actively participate in competitions and functions but my only usual reply was, NO. And my mom always get’s furious with me all the time, even till now.
I pushed away all things that relates to socializing.
It was more of a, “please don’t bother me, leave me alone”. The fact that something is wrong with myself kept growing in me till my adulthood because everyone around me could easily interact and make friends with anyone around them. And then, there is me figuring out what word I should say first because the options were too many. I have always find it hard to begin a conversations
Looking back, I have never really made any friends. It was more like, friends came to me and I got glued to them. and I am happy with the ones that I am glued too. They have accepted me as ME.
Thanks to the internet, later in life I found out that there is nothing wrong with me and there is a word to describe my personality which was, an introvert. And there are many other people from different parts of the world who are like me too. Yeay to us.
Living a life as an introvert was and is still being a little hard, but thanks to the pandemic and also the internet that we don’t really have to interact with people and still can get things done in just one click away.
I am actually forgetting the ethics of approaching people, ( a skill I learned when I started my own business ) slowly because there is no real interactions going on with anyone other than my family and friends .I am happily and comfortably typing away my words behind the screens rather than saying it out.
I feel good whenever I choose to articulate my feelings through writing rather than speaking about it, be it being happy, sad, angry or just about anything.
In a way, blogging has helped me to communicate my feelings and share my thoughts more deeply and elaborately. If I were asked to talk about certain topics, I might have finished it off with just one word or it would have been done with some head shakes. LOL.
Thanks to whoever invented writing .Another way to communicate.
If there is one thing that I would want people to understand about introverts,it would be; just let us be. Don’t ever keep bothering us with “are you okay?, is anything bothering you? and etc questions. If things are not okay and bothering us, we would definitely let you know.
I am being quiet, simply because, I observe on to the situations that is happening around me, I actually listen to understand what the other person is trying to say instead of replying them, I think before I talk so please do give me sometime to respond to you .
Last but not least, I am someone who is very interesting with my own unique way, who is every bit as good as everyone else.